Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
