Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
