just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
