Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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