she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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