i think i have herpe
just one?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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