wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ttyl tear gas
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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