She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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