drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
