Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
