i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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