Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pants are for mortals
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
