I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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