I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
