Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
