everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
