i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
