You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
