Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think your dad took our porno
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
