She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
