I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
