He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
