just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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