Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
