bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
