I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
