the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
