I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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