now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sober January is a disaster.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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