And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
