I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
