He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
