1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
