and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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