I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
