so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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