Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
