Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
