apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
