I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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