Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
