Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
