I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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