I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
