GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would ride that face into the sunset
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
