PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
