You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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