Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
