That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
