i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
