do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
