So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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