I wish you could order shots online.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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