No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
