they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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