Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
